is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
