It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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