Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
