girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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