The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize