Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
