I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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