He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
