maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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