Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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