Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
