That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
