do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
