Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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