wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
