Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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