The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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