'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
