Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
