Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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