Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
