Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
