I wish life had little blips of pornography
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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