i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize