I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
