literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
