i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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