So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
