You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This is classic penis vs brain.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
