sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize