I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
