America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
