: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
