Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My vagina is officially offended.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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