I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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