I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
