you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
