Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
