mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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