shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
