Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
