The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
