Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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