Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize