he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
