break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
