No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize