I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
