Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
