I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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