Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm just crazy horny about you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
