Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have tasted many bathrooms
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
