you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
