dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
