apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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