Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
farters have to be the big spoon...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
