Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
