I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
