This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
