Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
