Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
