Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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