you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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