Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
