I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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