i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
