i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why do cheetos always look like penises
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Help. Why am I so naked?
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