When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize