Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
