I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
