She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize