ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
