Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
