my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sex in a hospital.. check
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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