puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
