My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
